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“I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat,” my doctor said to me. She didn’t sound very sorry, leaving the room so quickly—ostensibly so I could pull up my underwear—that she couldn’t hear me burst out in tears.

There are many ways to lose a pregnancy—from the traditional bleeding in the toilet, to a missed miscarriage where you don’t even know that you miscarried, to a blighted ovum where the baby never started growing at all, to an ectopic pregnancy, where the fetus implanted in the wrong place. I’ve had most of them—they all suck, let me tell you—and I’ve learned the important ways to deal with a miscarriage.

The Complicated Science Behind When Babies Are Conceived

Chances are you were told in school that you could get pregnant any time you have sex so don’t have …

1) Naturally

This means you just let nature take its course. You wait for the bleeding to start and for the pregnancy to pass. For very early pregnancies, like chemical pregnancies which never registered a heartbeat, this is often the recommended route. My very first miscarriage—where I didn’t really know I was pregnant until the prior day—passed this way, and it felt like a really late period. (Had I not taken three pregnancy tests, that’s what I would have assumed it was.)

Some women prefer to do the natural way no matter how far along in their first trimester they are, but the downside is that you could be waiting a while—which totally creeped me out in my second miscarriage, knowing there was a non-living fetus inside of me. Also, it could be super messy (ditto on the creepy). And it can also be incomplete, sending you to surgery anyway (see #3).

2) The Pill

There is a pill that can help the miscarriage proceed faster—especially if it already started. Misoprostol, which induces labor (and for miscarriages is often given together with Mifepristone) also can be messy and from what I’ve heard, extremely painful. I was advised not to use this because you often end up in surgery anyway (see #3).

3) Surgery

As you can see from my previous two conclusions, I am a big fan of the surgical procedure to terminate a failed pregnancy, specifically the D&C. I am not a doctor, so I can’t give any medical advice except to tell you there are risks to every surgery.

But as a patient, by my third miscarriage, I preferred this method of removing the contents of the uterus, usually under general anesthesia. (There is a surgical procedure called “aspiration” which involves a vacuum and no general, but I found it awful to be awake, making conversation and watching everything happening.) An ectopic pregnancy must be surgically removed.

Here’s why I preferred the D&C:

Your pregnancy is terminated quickly and painlessly, for the most part.
You don’t have to witness any of the sad bloodshed.
It is the most effective way of making sure everything is removed and to get you ready for your next pregnancy.
MOST IMPORTANTLY and I can’t stress this enough so I’m going to give it a separate headline ..

4) Get It Tested

If you have surgery you can get what is medically called “the products of conception” tested. That means they can chromosomally test your fetus and see what, if anything, was wrong with it. For older patients, patients undergoing IVF, or in my non-medical opinion, any patient, it is a great comfort to find out that something was wrong with the fetus, which is why it didn’t make it. On the other hand, if they find out that there was nothing wrong with the baby—that it was chromosomally normal—you can investigate other solutions to prevent it from recurring.

In fact, I’m such a fan of this method that by my 4th—and final—miscarriage—I scheduled it right away so I could make sure not to lose my chance to test the products.

Moving On

It’s only after you’ve dealt with ending the miscarriage that the real loss may hit you: you’re not pregnant anymore. The sadness of this will be accompanied by actual physical symptoms, such as a drop in hormones— those happy-making chemicals that buoyed your bump. I myself often experienced a palpable gut-wrench from the drop, as well as a weight gain that no doctor had warned me about.

Look, I’m not going to sugar coat this: There was no good thing about any of my miscarriages. And most people didn’t have any good things to say about it either, like, “At least you can get pregnant.” (Thanks a lot).

But maybe the one good thing that can come out of this is that I suffered through indecision and different procedures so you don’t have to. Hopefully you can get through the physical part, so you’ll be free to focus on emotional healing and hopefully, get started trying again.

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Your favorite technology company, Google, is working on an upcoming feature that could put the kibosh on autoplaying videos for good. Soon you’ll be able to silence the worst offenders permanently, saving you the headache of searching for a mute button over and over again.

The muting feature is still under development, but you can try it out yourself right now. You’ll need to install Google Chrome Canary, the developer-focused version of the browser that features newer, but more experimental (and therefore buggier) features.

Canary is less stable than your standard version of Google Chrome, so you shouldn’t use it as your default browser. You’ll also need to open Canary from the terminal or command line, adding “—enable-features=SoundContentSetting” to your command. You can turn the sound option on or off when you click the site information box in the URL bar (the icon is usually a lowercase “i” or a green lock if you’re on a secure page).

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The Most Useful Chrome Extensions Ever Made

One of the great things about Google Chrome is that it offers thousands of third-party extensions…

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You can mute tabs temporarily by right-clicking on them and selecting Mute Tab. If for some reason your Chrome browser doesn’t support tab muting, you can enable it manually, but be warned: enabling experimental features could compromise your security or delete your browsing data. If you type chrome://flags into your URL bar, you’ll see a list of disabled experimental features; search for “mute” to find the Tab Audio Muting UI Control.

Enabling this feature will not only enable the speaker indicator in your tab, but will allow you to right-click and mute said tab, or multiple tabs depending on your selection. It won’t keep that site muted if you decide to close and reopen the tab, but it’ll scratch the itch until this experimental feature gets into the hands of normal Chrome users.

Google Chrome to Let Users Permanently Mute Annoying Video Ads That Play Sound Automatically The Independent